(Inspired by Jenny)
I don't really have a birthday milestone coming up, well, except for 40 but thankfully it's far enough away that I don't have to think about THAT nightmare. Still, I'd like to create a list for myself to complete in one year. I will write about my experiences and cross off things as I complete them. In theory, it sounds like an ambitious and fun project. In practice, we'll see.
Most people who create these lists have the number correspond to the age they're reaching that year (30 Things To Do Before I'm 30, etc.) but since my age isn't important to me in that regard, I'll be reasonable and aim for one completed project (or at least begun) each month.
12 Things to Do Before August 2011:
FINANCES
1. Get my finances in order: dig out what I owe and exactly to whom and create a plan to pay off half, if not ALL of my debt.
PROFESSIONAL
2. Find a job that I LOVE to do. Try not to get bogged down by what I think I SHOULD be doing.
3. WRITE. Write more. Fearlessly send out stories for publication.
4. Stop procrastinating. Tomorrow.
HEALTH/FITNESS
5. Complete a triathlon in less than 2 hours. My first one was almost 2.5 hours. The next one in that series is also in June at Lake Lanier.
6. Practice meditation. Find Inner Peace. Yeah, it's a lofty one. And will probably take years to master but a year would be a good start.
TRAVEL
7. Make the trip to go see my family in Texas: Houston, Austin, San Antonio. Maybe Dallas if my Dad is there.
8. Go visit my friends in close states (Megan in D.C., Leanne in NC)
I'll have to get back with the last 4. I thought I'd be able to dash these out, but it turns out that I need to think about what I want to do. Telling? Probably.
And now I'm off to work on scratching procrastination off the list.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Bad Aunt
I have a confession to make.
It's tearing me up inside and making me question who I am, how I was raised and whether I deserve to be locked up forever.
Ready? Here goes:
I'm at the Beach. And I want to go HOME.
Now.... I thought I would feel better but I don't.
I still just want to go home. It's not the Beach, it's not the sun, the breeze, the sand or the gorgeous weather we've been having. It's not the not-working, the sleeping whenever I want or the quality time with my sister and niece.
It might be that I miss my favorite boy A LOT. Actually, that's definitely a lot of it.
But I think it might mostly be the baby. Yikes, I know. I'm sorry baby!! But you cry ALL the TIME! I told my sister that 90% of the time, you are fussy and/or crying. She said that's not true, you sleep for about 8 hours a night.
So let me amend that: 90% of the time you are AWAKE, you are fussy and/or crying. And you are like an alarm system that I am terrified to trip... you go off for no reason and are LOUD.
I'm sorry that I'm complaining about a baby... but I don't have any children and I haven't been around a baby this small in a very long time. And the 3 smiles I get when she is awake and not fussy just don't make up for the other 90%.
God help me if I ever have children (which I fully intend to do at some point in my life... so God help me. In general.)
I'm going to be alone with her for 3 hours this afternoon, so I'm going to see if we can't find some common ground.
To quote my favorite boy in the world:
Why are you letting a baby pick on you? (at the time I was complaining about how my 11 yr old niece was picking on me... and the question is a valid one.)
Confession time is over. Time to begin Operation Bond With Baby.
Over and out.
It's tearing me up inside and making me question who I am, how I was raised and whether I deserve to be locked up forever.
Ready? Here goes:
I'm at the Beach. And I want to go HOME.
Now.... I thought I would feel better but I don't.
I still just want to go home. It's not the Beach, it's not the sun, the breeze, the sand or the gorgeous weather we've been having. It's not the not-working, the sleeping whenever I want or the quality time with my sister and niece.
It might be that I miss my favorite boy A LOT. Actually, that's definitely a lot of it.
But I think it might mostly be the baby. Yikes, I know. I'm sorry baby!! But you cry ALL the TIME! I told my sister that 90% of the time, you are fussy and/or crying. She said that's not true, you sleep for about 8 hours a night.
So let me amend that: 90% of the time you are AWAKE, you are fussy and/or crying. And you are like an alarm system that I am terrified to trip... you go off for no reason and are LOUD.
I'm sorry that I'm complaining about a baby... but I don't have any children and I haven't been around a baby this small in a very long time. And the 3 smiles I get when she is awake and not fussy just don't make up for the other 90%.
God help me if I ever have children (which I fully intend to do at some point in my life... so God help me. In general.)
I'm going to be alone with her for 3 hours this afternoon, so I'm going to see if we can't find some common ground.
To quote my favorite boy in the world:
Why are you letting a baby pick on you? (at the time I was complaining about how my 11 yr old niece was picking on me... and the question is a valid one.)
Confession time is over. Time to begin Operation Bond With Baby.
Over and out.
Monday, July 19, 2010
At the Beach
I am living a charmed life.
I'm sitting here on a balcony overlooking the ocean 20 yards away. The water is gorgeous... striated shades of blue, becoming lighter as it nears the shore.
The weather is perfect--breezy and warm, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, palm trees are swaying and there is minimal traffic on the local road this morning.
Still....there is a part of me that wants to go home. I haven't missed anyone in a long time. It's a constant, dull ache. But I even recognize that as a blessing. I haven't missed anyone in a long time because I haven't cared about someone this much in a very long time...
I take him everywhere with me:
He was there the first night on the beach when we were surprised by the single beautifully explosive firework.
He was there yesterday at the beach when my niece and I were covered in seaweed.
He's here this morning as I sit on the balcony watching the boats on the ocean.
He's with me every night when I go to bed, and pray that God will keep him safe.
I try to let him go when the baby starts crying though... no one should be subjected to that.
I'm sitting here on a balcony overlooking the ocean 20 yards away. The water is gorgeous... striated shades of blue, becoming lighter as it nears the shore.
The weather is perfect--breezy and warm, the sun is shining, the sky is blue, palm trees are swaying and there is minimal traffic on the local road this morning.
Still....there is a part of me that wants to go home. I haven't missed anyone in a long time. It's a constant, dull ache. But I even recognize that as a blessing. I haven't missed anyone in a long time because I haven't cared about someone this much in a very long time...
I take him everywhere with me:
He was there the first night on the beach when we were surprised by the single beautifully explosive firework.
He was there yesterday at the beach when my niece and I were covered in seaweed.
He's here this morning as I sit on the balcony watching the boats on the ocean.
He's with me every night when I go to bed, and pray that God will keep him safe.
I try to let him go when the baby starts crying though... no one should be subjected to that.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Overplayed
1. Scarves with tank tops: Dude. It's summer. I don't care if it makes your outfit. Wear a necklace.
2. Boy Bands: Please learn to play an instrument. That is all.
3. That song by Train: I can't even write it because just the words will get it stuck in my head and then I'll have to stick an icepick in my ear.
4. Celebrity Sex Tapes: Yeah, it's called Porn.
5. Vampires: Okay, I actually like vampire movies but even I am getting sick of having a vampire on every corner. This trend may never die... just like the vampires! Oooooooh....
6. Reality shows: What is with our fascination with watching people lead their semi-normal lives? Please make them go away so I can stop killing brain cells by watching them.
7. Excessive tanning: Gym, Tan, Laundry? Guys, when your skin gets that tough, it's called hide.
8. Articles about bartending in a town full of bars: Because clearly, that's exactly what you want to read about after spending the entire night in a bar and hating yourself in the morning as you do the Walk of Shame through downtown to your car. Reading about how stupid the bartenders think you are is exactly what's going to get you through waiting for the assholes to come take the immobilizer off of your back tire while you're wiping mascara off your cheeks and sweating on a curb in your mini dress and 5 inch heels at 11am on a Sunday morning.
2. Boy Bands: Please learn to play an instrument. That is all.
3. That song by Train: I can't even write it because just the words will get it stuck in my head and then I'll have to stick an icepick in my ear.
4. Celebrity Sex Tapes: Yeah, it's called Porn.
5. Vampires: Okay, I actually like vampire movies but even I am getting sick of having a vampire on every corner. This trend may never die... just like the vampires! Oooooooh....
6. Reality shows: What is with our fascination with watching people lead their semi-normal lives? Please make them go away so I can stop killing brain cells by watching them.
7. Excessive tanning: Gym, Tan, Laundry? Guys, when your skin gets that tough, it's called hide.
8. Articles about bartending in a town full of bars: Because clearly, that's exactly what you want to read about after spending the entire night in a bar and hating yourself in the morning as you do the Walk of Shame through downtown to your car. Reading about how stupid the bartenders think you are is exactly what's going to get you through waiting for the assholes to come take the immobilizer off of your back tire while you're wiping mascara off your cheeks and sweating on a curb in your mini dress and 5 inch heels at 11am on a Sunday morning.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
In the Doorway
Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.
What if what you think is "I don't want to"? And the next logical question is: What do you want to do? And my answer is: I don't know yet. Give me some time to think about it.
Why does it seem that time is in short supply lately? The earth isn't spinning any faster... or so I think.
Regarding work, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern right now. I don't really like it, but I'm going to ride it out. I don't like feeling unmotivated and unsure because I know that this not the way I usually feel. I think a door may have been opened for me and I want to go through it. I'm still scared but every week I'm doing things that the instant before I do them, I think I can't do that.
But then I do it. Every single time I watch the instructors demonstrate what we'll be doing during Trapeze class, I think "there's no way I'll be able to do that." BUT, when it's my turn, I do it. Exactly the way they showed us how to. That's a pretty powerful lesson to learn and reinforce every week.
I was handed a writing assignment (that I volunteered for) recently. It was minor, to be sure, but besides this blog, it has been a long time since I've written anything. That dream was something I gave up on a long time ago. I sat down to write it that night and came up with... nothing. I had nothing. No inspiration, no idea which way to take this assignment. So I put it away for the night, not sure if anything would come of it and wondering if I would disappoint myself again.
It all came to me the next morning. All at once. Obviously, I'm not talking about my life's work, but it was a tiny glimpse through the doorway of What Could Be. And believe me, I am all about jamming my foot into that door and prying it open but I think that door opens when we're ready.
And I believe I'm standing in a little shaft of its light.
What if what you think is "I don't want to"? And the next logical question is: What do you want to do? And my answer is: I don't know yet. Give me some time to think about it.
Why does it seem that time is in short supply lately? The earth isn't spinning any faster... or so I think.
Regarding work, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern right now. I don't really like it, but I'm going to ride it out. I don't like feeling unmotivated and unsure because I know that this not the way I usually feel. I think a door may have been opened for me and I want to go through it. I'm still scared but every week I'm doing things that the instant before I do them, I think I can't do that.
But then I do it. Every single time I watch the instructors demonstrate what we'll be doing during Trapeze class, I think "there's no way I'll be able to do that." BUT, when it's my turn, I do it. Exactly the way they showed us how to. That's a pretty powerful lesson to learn and reinforce every week.
I was handed a writing assignment (that I volunteered for) recently. It was minor, to be sure, but besides this blog, it has been a long time since I've written anything. That dream was something I gave up on a long time ago. I sat down to write it that night and came up with... nothing. I had nothing. No inspiration, no idea which way to take this assignment. So I put it away for the night, not sure if anything would come of it and wondering if I would disappoint myself again.
It all came to me the next morning. All at once. Obviously, I'm not talking about my life's work, but it was a tiny glimpse through the doorway of What Could Be. And believe me, I am all about jamming my foot into that door and prying it open but I think that door opens when we're ready.
And I believe I'm standing in a little shaft of its light.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
A New Adventure
Update: My birthday was a raging success. I accepted that my family members have lives outside of mine and enjoyed a quiet little party with them the week before my birthday. My actual birthday was spent competing in a triathlon--which was so awesome that I can't wait to do it again--and then out with friends. And one of them became more than that.
I've known this guy for 3 years and we've been through all sorts of things together: his relationships, my relationships, we've offered advice and comfort to each other, been there when the other needed a friend, had our arguments and disagreements, had periods where we didn't speak because of something the other did but only now does it seem like we finally found each other.
It's really a day that I thought would never come. I knew there was interest and attraction on both sides, but we never tried to take it any further. So how did we get here? I don't even know... and I keep asking myself that.
It's too new to start analyzing too much. I'm trying to just relax (which can be difficult for me in situations like this) and enjoy it. If this is what God wants, it's going to be awesome, and if it's not, I'm going to do my best to just let it go.
All I know is: this is going to be some ride.
I've known this guy for 3 years and we've been through all sorts of things together: his relationships, my relationships, we've offered advice and comfort to each other, been there when the other needed a friend, had our arguments and disagreements, had periods where we didn't speak because of something the other did but only now does it seem like we finally found each other.
It's really a day that I thought would never come. I knew there was interest and attraction on both sides, but we never tried to take it any further. So how did we get here? I don't even know... and I keep asking myself that.
It's too new to start analyzing too much. I'm trying to just relax (which can be difficult for me in situations like this) and enjoy it. If this is what God wants, it's going to be awesome, and if it's not, I'm going to do my best to just let it go.
All I know is: this is going to be some ride.
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