Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Lent, Diets, Oprah and Serial Killers. Random.

Ah, Lent. I've been Catholic since I was a teeny infant so Lent has always been a big part of my faith. During the 40 days of Lent, you'r supposed to give up something so that the suffering you experience will bring you closer to God. I used to give up sweets to try to lose a few pounds, but it rarely worked. Then I tried making a promise to do something instead of give something up, with the rationalization that giving something up is really more about personal gain (or loss, in terms of weight.) This year I've given up beer, liquor and procrastination. Guess which one I'm having the most trouble with.

And now I'm feeling guilty along with procrastinating. But the guilt isn't enough to make me stop. I've already lost today. I have to go work out in less than an hour... better to get something done with my day, right? I drank too much wine last night, which made it much harder to get motivated to do anything.

Yech, I'm watching an episode of Oprah about child molestors and abusers. Oprah was describing their crimes and they are truly disgusting. I have a 7 yr old niece and I don't know what I would do if anyone tried to hurt her. Well, I have an idea of what I'd like to do, but I don't know exactly what I'm capable of. Thankfully no one in my family has been victimized by someone else. Yech. Now I feel all dirty.

I watched this show about serial killers the other day, about how they could be the nice guy next door--as was the BTK killer-- and when I went grocery shopping later, I was wary of anyone that stared, even looked, at me for longer than a second. They might be a serial killer! During the show, when the BTK killer was confessing his crimes in court, he was so calm and unemotional it made my stomach hurt. Really. He told how he would talk to his victims before he raped them, then killed them, and how when one woman threw up after locking her kids in the bathroom, he helped her clean up and got her a glass of water before killing her. I've never seen evil personified before and it freaked me out. And what's really gross, BTK stands for Bind, Torture, Kill. He signed his notes to the police with that signature. (shudder) Gross.

Okay. So now I'm procrastinating, freaked out and still have to get ready to go to the gym. I'm going to a spinning class and then possibly pilates. I haven't been in over 3 months so we'll see if I can make the 2 hours. I've gotten so fat, and this time I'm not even kidding. I'm probably the biggest I've ever been and I need to take it down a couple sizes. I'd like to lose 30-40 pounds before August. Think I can do it? Maybe. I've already been cutting out the pizza, ice cream and beer that got me here. Wish me luck.