Tuesday, June 29, 2010


1. Scarves with tank tops: Dude. It's summer. I don't care if it makes your outfit. Wear a necklace.

2. Boy Bands: Please learn to play an instrument. That is all.

3. That song by Train: I can't even write it because just the words will get it stuck in my head and then I'll have to stick an icepick in my ear.

4. Celebrity Sex Tapes: Yeah, it's called Porn.

5. Vampires: Okay, I actually like vampire movies but even I am getting sick of having a vampire on every corner. This trend may never die... just like the vampires! Oooooooh....

6. Reality shows: What is with our fascination with watching people lead their semi-normal lives? Please make them go away so I can stop killing brain cells by watching them.

7. Excessive tanning: Gym, Tan, Laundry? Guys, when your skin gets that tough, it's called hide.

8. Articles about bartending in a town full of bars: Because clearly, that's exactly what you want to read about after spending the entire night in a bar and hating yourself in the morning as you do the Walk of Shame through downtown to your car. Reading about how stupid the bartenders think you are is exactly what's going to get you through waiting for the assholes to come take the immobilizer off of your back tire while you're wiping mascara off your cheeks and sweating on a curb in your mini dress and 5 inch heels at 11am on a Sunday morning.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

In the Doorway

Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.

What if what you think is "I don't want to"? And the next logical question is: What do you want to do? And my answer is: I don't know yet. Give me some time to think about it.

Why does it seem that time is in short supply lately? The earth isn't spinning any faster... or so I think.

Regarding work, I feel like I'm in a holding pattern right now. I don't really like it, but I'm going to ride it out. I don't like feeling unmotivated and unsure because I know that this not the way I usually feel. I think a door may have been opened for me and I want to go through it. I'm still scared but every week I'm doing things that the instant before I do them, I think I can't do that.

But then I do it. Every single time I watch the instructors demonstrate what we'll be doing during Trapeze class, I think "there's no way I'll be able to do that." BUT, when it's my turn, I do it. Exactly the way they showed us how to. That's a pretty powerful lesson to learn and reinforce every week.

I was handed a writing assignment (that I volunteered for) recently. It was minor, to be sure, but besides this blog, it has been a long time since I've written anything. That dream was something I gave up on a long time ago. I sat down to write it that night and came up with... nothing. I had nothing. No inspiration, no idea which way to take this assignment. So I put it away for the night, not sure if anything would come of it and wondering if I would disappoint myself again.

It all came to me the next morning. All at once. Obviously, I'm not talking about my life's work, but it was a tiny glimpse through the doorway of What Could Be. And believe me, I am all about jamming my foot into that door and prying it open but I think that door opens when we're ready.

And I believe I'm standing in a little shaft of its light.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

A New Adventure

Update: My birthday was a raging success. I accepted that my family members have lives outside of mine and enjoyed a quiet little party with them the week before my birthday. My actual birthday was spent competing in a triathlon--which was so awesome that I can't wait to do it again--and then out with friends. And one of them became more than that.

I've known this guy for 3 years and we've been through all sorts of things together: his relationships, my relationships, we've offered advice and comfort to each other, been there when the other needed a friend, had our arguments and disagreements, had periods where we didn't speak because of something the other did but only now does it seem like we finally found each other.

It's really a day that I thought would never come. I knew there was interest and attraction on both sides, but we never tried to take it any further. So how did we get here? I don't even know... and I keep asking myself that.

It's too new to start analyzing too much. I'm trying to just relax (which can be difficult for me in situations like this) and enjoy it. If this is what God wants, it's going to be awesome, and if it's not, I'm going to do my best to just let it go.

All I know is: this is going to be some ride.