Monday, November 12, 2007

The Blackout

Goodness. It's been a while since I've posted. I'm just going to go ahead and pretend that someone other than me reads this blog. And I would like to extend an apology to all you imaginary readers for my laziness in posting.

Moving on. I've been absolutely obsessed with Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. If you have a few days to devote to reading her absolutely hysterical/heart warming/envy creating stories, please check out the link in the sidebar. And her story about meeting her husband, Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, is totally swoon-worthy. I can't get enough.

Besides that, I've been preparing to start my new job on Nov 26th. And by "preparing" I mean "doing nothing". Well, I've been thinking about it (that's mentally preparing, right?) And I've let the Bar know that I won't be working anything but weekends soon.

Man, Saturday's game. What a night. What a GAME! GO DAWGS! I've never seen this town whipped into such a frenzy. The energy in the crowd was tangible... and I'm talking about the Bar! I don't like going to games, but I'm sorry I missed that one. Well, not too terribly sorry because I made buckets of money, but hell, I earned it. There is nothing quite like drunken frat boys screaming JAGERBOMB at you because they saw a douchebag on YouTube do it and thought it must be cool if it's online. I survived and went home satisfied and slightly drunk.

Saturday reminded me why I love this town. In spite of all the drunken frat boys, the fist fights outside the Bar, traffic so bad that it took 30 minutes to get through 2 stoplights, I love Game Days. There was so much energy in the air, it was electric. I could have worked all night... There was no way I was getting tired. I'll miss working in the bar... I'm going to try to write a play or a screenplay about it. We'll see. I absolutely hated writing screenplays in school and my head is so full of ideas, it seems there's no way they'll be able to get out. Only one thing to do, right? Try it.

And so I will. Not today though. Last night I spent my pent up energy on way too much beer and jager. And my boyfriend... but I'm pretty sure he was happy about that. ;) Now I'm going to nurse my hangover and try not to puke as I read some more... days like this I wish I still had cable.

And now I would like to thank my imaginary readers for taking the time to explore the crap I keep in my head.

And I'm out.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I'm only happy when it RAINS

Today is Hormone Day.

Or, maybe more accurately titled: Raging Hormones Cause Loss of Emotional Control Day.

Seriously. It's been building up all week and then this morning I drink a huge cup of coffee (with sugar, because apparently they don't have sugar-free pumpkin spice syrup... if it is a syrup at all. Coffee house mixers confuse me greatly. Is pumpkin spice the coffee or a flavoring? They don't TELL you this!) and everything falls apart. Or more accurately, everything BLOWS apart, since nothing is gentle in the wake of a major caffeine buzz. I had to pour myself a glass of wine just to calm down. I'm ELVIS. Uppers to stay up, downers to calm down... eventually I'll be deep frying peanut butter sandwiches with bananas and bacon and everyone knows how that ends.

So, to soothe the hormonal beast, I got myself some retail therapy. I spent way too much money at a bath and body store, buying pumpkin scented stuff for the house. It's not my fault: I blame my mom. She makes the best pumpkin pie I've ever had and she only makes it from Oct-Dec. Just the smell of pumpkin sends me into a nostalgic frenzy. I'm practically hyperventilating right now--the pumpkin candle I have lit smells so freakin good.

Maybe what I love so much about Fall is all the change... I love the changing leaves, I love it when they all fall off, I love it when the weather finally cools down so that I can wear jeans without looking like I fell into a grease pit face first. Of course, in the South, the actual weather does not abide by a calendar. It's the first week in October, and well, I guess it has cooled off: to only 80 degrees. At least it's down from the triple digits it's been loitering at all summer. And do I hear RAIN?? Holy crap, I'd forgotten what it sounds like.

Yeah, the drought problem? Much worse than anyone has anticipated. The rain I hear is a light shower that will probably last almost an hour and barely dampen the grass. The prognosis is not good at all and no one dares to speculate on what will happen if we don't get some real rain before the new year. I tell you what, I'm going to start stocking up on bottled water. I'll only take a shower every other day if I have to, to conserve water, but I'll be damned if I'm going to jump in and rush through one of my favorite rituals. I love showering. But I hate drying off and everything that comes after that. Weird, huh? Probably. It's just so tedious. But, I guess it's a trade off--looking this good takes a little work. ;)

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

So last night was about par for the course of my life right now.

I drank way too much, got in a huge fight with my s.o. (thankfully after we left the bar), drove home (with him machine-gun calling me to tell me that if I get arrested he's not bailing me out of jail--obvs I made it home alright... there are no computers in jail), ordered way too much pizza and passed the eff out on the couch.

I did not accomplish anything on my To Do List yesterday unless I had forgotten to put down "spend all the money you made working 12 hours yesterday."

I tell everyone that I'm taking some time off... I think what I really mean is that I'm taking time to be lazy and not think about my future at all. Am I still getting over being fired? Maybe. I found a book yesterday in a Used Bookstore called "Fat, Forty and Fired" and immediately bought it. I was so relieved to find it, I almost cried in the store. The cover says it's an advance reading copy and not for resale, so I'm not quite sure what to think of the content. I've read the intro and one page and I have high hopes. Surely this book will give me some direction. Ha. What I really need is a shove.

I'm also looking for a roommate. I'm going to post on Craigs List and in the paper... I really like my apartment and don't want to go through the hassle of breaking the lease but I also don't want to have another conversation like the one I'm about to have with the property manager about my very very late rent. I hate having roommates but if I get to pick this one, maybe it won't be so bad. Ha again. I guess we'll see.

Everyone asks me what am I doing... the real answer is I don't know. I feel like I tried the easy way--taking whatever opportunities fell into my lap--and it sucked. My dad is praying (literally) that I find a job in the field in which I worked for a degree. So far this blog is all the writing I've been motivated to do. Keeping with the relentlessly positive philosophy I've adopted, I'm encouraged. It's a start.

And now it's the end. There is more loafing to do before I have to wash my ass and head to work.

Here's to hoping Inspiration will beat me over the head on the way. :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Lists! I love Lists!

Here's one:

What I've been doing lately (because who isn't just DYING to know??)

1. I'm working my ass off. Seriously. I love it. WAY better than my last job.

2. Thinking that I never want to find a "real" job again. I love this one--but I think I've mentioned that already.

3. Been planning on going to the store to buy Drano for my clogged bathtub but haven't remembered...

4. Been thinking that if I don't unclog said drain I'm going to have to soak the tub in bleach. For a week.

5. Thinking that maybe I should erase that last entry because it's kind of a gross mental image (well it is NOW!!)

6. Drinking way too much coffee. I really should have gone shopping after work instead of coming back here to stare at my computer and wish I could sleep...

7. I got a library card! I'm so excited. The public library is so much nicer than I expected it to be... and there are so many books to read! (it's been years since I was in a public library... even my the library at my university.)

8. Reconnecting with an old friend.

9. Exercising whenever I get the chance... and so is Sam.

10. Drinking "beer" that my brother and his girlfriend smuggled in to me from Iowa. Iowa is not really known for their beer--there's a reason. If you've tried it, you know what I mean.

11. Finally growing slightly tired... maybe enough to go to sleep.

12. Thinking that Steel Magnolias is a good movie to fall asleep to. ;)

I'm out.

Friday, September 14, 2007

It's Friday.

Friday night and I'm sitting at home with my computer, a good book and a bottle of wine.

Not too bad, eh?

What kills me is that while I really enjoy time by myself, when I look back, I kind of regret it. I don't have pictures of nights out to share with friends on Myspace or to frame and put on my desk. I don't have crazy stories to share tomorrow at work. What I do have (will have, tomorrow) is a good night's sleep and a well-prepared-for football game day.

God, I feel old.

There was a time when having fun with my friends was more important than getting a good night's sleep. Those crazy nights are the things I remember, right? Not how much sleep I got or that book that is really just light reading and not significant at all. Of course, all my friends were my age back then... and now they're all at least 4 years younger than me. That's my sister's age and she used to be the youngest person I knew. That's what I get for staying in a college town. (to quote "Dazed and Confused", "that's why I love high school girls... I keep getting older and they stay the same age." Of course, I don't love high school girls or college girls or any girls more than dear friends... but you know what I mean!)

The way I feel tonight reminds me of a night in my senior year of high school when my friend Sarah and I were looking for a party. We drove around for almost 2 HOURS looking for this damn thing and never did find it. We had a great time in the car though... we were dancing to Steve Miller Band and cracking up about random shit. We also made a pact that if anyone asked us why we weren't at the party, we would stick to the story that we had found a better one and spent all our time there. Neither of us wanted to admit that we spent the whole night driving around like losers... even though both of us had a blast.

So I guess if anyone asks what I did tonight, I could tell them the boring truth--that I took care of myself and had a quiet evening at home--or I could make some shit up about finding the craziest party and not making it out downtown. I think this is one of those situations where I have to be grateful for what I have, so I don't think I'll be making up stories to entertain listeners.

My worth is not decided by the people listening to my stories, real or fake. That's something I still have to learn... other people do not decide my worth. I do.

Geez, when did this post turn into Dr. Phil?

Thursday, September 06, 2007


After 3 months of anxiety and suspense, it's finally done.

No more court dates, hearings, anxiety about jail time or playing nice with the former bosses. Of course, my anxiety about possible jail time was completely unfounded... when things get tough, I get anxious--about everything.

I had my hearing yesterday. It didn't go the way I expected it to--that is, I didn't expect The Corporation to pull out the big guns for just little ol'me. I said everything I had to say and now all there is to do is try to forget about it. Either I win and they give me the money they owe me or nothing changes and I'm still broke as a joke.

I do feel like a weight is lifted now that I'm done with The Corporation. My self-esteem is increasing, I'm taking better care of myself (i.e. trying to lose this weight!), and I'm trying to decide what I really WANT to do. That's the upside.

The downside is that I can't shake the feeling that I'm back where I was 4 years ago. I ran screaming from the bar business and I'm right back in it. Starting at the bottom! Well, it has only been a couple of months and I guess if bartending is what I have to fall back on, I'm not doing too bad.

My s.o. just brought me a big bowl of chicken tortilla soup from McAlisters. It's delicious and hot and helping to clear my sinuses. Thank God for that... I haven't felt this sick in a long time.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Catchy Title

It's been a while since I've posted. Haven't felt like writing lately. Kinda ironic because I used to daydream about leaving The Corporation and all the writing I'd be able to do once I left. Well, here I am. Let the inspiration begin!

Since my last post, I've:

1. Finished the new Harry Potter. It was a great way to end the story. I'm so glad they made the books into movies--there's still something to look forward to! I finished it a lot faster than I thought I would. I was over 500 pages in after my first 5-hour reading marathon.

2. Had my hair cut and colored by the hysterical and gifted Shayne at City Salon.

3. Been working like a mad man. Too bad there's not more to show for it, but football is coming and then we'll all be rich! At least, that's the mantra that keeps getting repeated at The Bar.

4. Got back in contact with an old, well, we'll call her a friend. This "friend" and I had a pretty bad falling out in which she really hurt my feelings and not only has not apologized, but insists that she was in the right. Whatever. I guess it's not worth it. Or is it? Time will tell...

I guess that's about it. I need a project or something to work on, to keep me busy. I'm pretty much a vampire now--going to work from 10pm-5am and sleeping until about 2pm. Doesn't leave a lot of time in the day to get things done. I need wine storage and a coffee table...maybe the s.o. and I can work out something. He can build just about anything.

There's some chicken in the fridge calling to me...


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I think I can I think I can

I was just thinking about the Little Engine That Could. About how he never gave up, even when success seemed impossible, the road was too long and he was exhausted.

It's funny to me how the morals of my childhood stories mean more to me now than they did when I was read them. Of course, I didn't know anything about life then. So maybe the stories do what they are supposed to.

Monday, August 20, 2007

and I'm FREE

Weeeeeee! I am officially free! All of this nightmarish court stuff is finally over. I had a great day in court today with a very understanding and patient prosecutor. Now if The Corporation will only pay my unemployment, I'll finally be able to truly start fresh. I feel like a new person. It's amazing.

One thing that struck me while I was in jail (for the 8 hours I spent in that holding cell) was how easy it seemed to get there. I was put there because my license was suspended because of a ticket I didn't pay from 2006. I didn't know that it was suspended... neither did I know that police DO NOT, in fact, give you any leeway when it comes to paying your tag tax. My bday is June 5 and I was pulled over on June 22. I thought you had the whole month to pay it... NOT SO. I was terrified on the way to court today. I didn't know if they would be as mean as they were in jail, but as my s.o. pointed out, you're a person again in the courtroom. I thank God that things went as well as they did. Now I can finally get on with my life.

And that consists of pretty much nothing but work right now. I still have a ton of stuff to pay off so I'm trying to pick up as many shifts as possible. I want to do some more reading, but I need to spend my money on things like keeping the lights on so the new books will have to wait. Unless of course, I can borrow the new Harry Potter and then no one will see me for at least a week until I finish it. I've been trying to re-read my favorite books, but it feels like watching a DVD I've already seen a few too many times. The old favs just can't keep my attention right now... except David Sedaris. I can read his books over and over again. Maybe it's because each story is different and I always find something I missed the first (few) times I read the story. I've tried reading "The Road Less Traveled" again because it meant a lot to me when I read it the first time 10 years ago, but it's feeling dated to me now. If anyone reading this has any suggestions on books to try, please let me know. I love a good story. Stephen King had a few suggestions in his memoir and I put those on my Amazon Wish List. (that might be a hint if I thought anyone was actually reading this...)

I should go get ready for bed now. I have to work in the morning (and by morning I mean almost noon) and today has been a very long day.


Thursday, August 16, 2007

A Quick Pep Talk for Myself

The Power of The Mind.

It's a wonderful thing. "The Alchemist" says whenever you want something, the universe conspires to help you get it (in so many words.) I guess the key is to focus on what it is that you want.

Tonight will be a Good Night. We will be busy and I will make more than I need to put some stuff in order. That's what I want.

Now I just have to go get it.

Monday, August 13, 2007

On Writing (is awesome)

I've been reading Stephen King's "On Writing". The first half is a memoir and the second half is pretty much an instruction manual. I love his instructions on writing: write like a maniac until you have the entire story out, then put it away for 6 weeks and don't even think about re-reading it. That's exactly what I've found that I have to do with stories I write... if I read them too soon after I write them, I hate them. I want to fix everything and more often than not, I throw it out. Sometimes I'll stuff them in a drawer or a box and when I find them some time later (usually the next time I move, which is practically every year) I read them and wonder what I thought was so terrible. Sometimes I'm actually impressed with my writing--but I keep those to myself because I don't want anyone to rain on my parade (whether it's deserved or not.)

What I really want to read is the new Harry Potter. I can't bring myself to pay the $20 for the hardcover, so I'm trying to restrain myself. It's actually not to difficult since I can't find a spare $20 anywhere, but God help me if I make a ton of money some night this week.

My court date is approaching next week and I have to make sure I have all my ducks in a row. I'm really nervous. I know exactly what I'm going to do, thanks to a wonderful friend with a law practice, but I'm still afraid they're going to find a reason to throw me back in jail. I wonder if everyone that's been in jail thinks that... it's pretty traumatizing. Maybe I'll make the s.o. go with me so he can tear me away and help me get to a non-extradition country. I'll have to do some more planning.

That's it for today... I've caught some cold and am fighting it off with Advil Cold & Sinus and a Miller Lite. I should probably trade that for some hot tea...


Sunday, August 12, 2007

Another post... in my New Blog excitement

Back from cleaning duty. I look a lot worse, probably smell a whole lot worse, but I actually feel a lot better. I went in with the worst hangover but the combination of another beer and a lot of sweat made me feel like a new woman. Which is why, of course, I'm sitting here drinking a Miller Lite. I'm gonna have to put the brakes on. I always drink way too much when I'm bartending.

My dad suggested that I start making notes of funny people and situations in the bar and writing short stories based on the notes. I might give it a try. If anything, it would be good practice to start thinking creatively again.

I love my house (and by "house" I mean apartment) right now. It's clean (well, except for all the unfolded clean clothes all over my bed), cold and silent.

I need silence.

I also need a shower. Badly. I'm starting to get chills because my shirt is soaked with sweat and it's pretty chilly in here. Is it weird that I don't really like to shower? I love the water and getting clean, I think it's the drying part I don't like. It's too much trouble. Yeah, I can be pretty lazy sometimes.

I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball.


New Beginning

It's been over a year since my last post. So much has happened in that time... I got a promotion, was completely miserable for about a year, was arrested and fired (in the same week!)

Hard to tell if losing my job is really the "good thing" I keep telling everyone it is. I'm bartending again in the town that I love, so that's a good thing but I'm not making any money yet. I know things are about to pick up and soon I should be swimming in cash, but I still feel like I've taken a huge step back to where I was 3 years ago. Haven't I learned anything?

What do I want to do? Do I have to decide? Isn't not deciding a decision in itself? I'm hoping that restarting this blog might help me figure a few things out. Maybe get me writing again. I think that's what I'm supposed to do... I just don't know where to start.

Right now I'm going to eat something and head down to the bar for a lovely 3 hours of fighting hangover/cleaning/meeting.