Monday, May 10, 2010

Here we GO.

He's got to be a little bit dangerous, this guy I'm looking for.

Besides being tall and handsome (Clive Owen, not Pierce Brosnan), funny, intelligent, Catholic, compassionate and close to his family, he's got to be strong. Strong enough to know when to use force, if necessary. He's got to be mischevious and able to push it right to the edge but controlled enough to know how to pull it back at the last second.

Just a little dangerous and unpredictable.

I guess I want him to be the part of me I never get to express. The part that wants to take off on an adventure in the middle of the night and throw responsibility to the wind. To never know where I'm going or what will happen when I get there, but ready for anything.

I think living in such a small world has blunted my senses so that I can't even find my way around my sister's neighborhood anymore. I barely have a sense of direction because I don't have to. There was a time when I believed I could get through anything.... that I could handle anything, that no matter how out of control things seemed, I could deal.

I've accepted that I can't control everything but does that mean that I've stopped taking chances? I'm on a quest of self discovery and I'm starting to get bored.

Since I control my thoughts, intentions and therefore, my own reality, I should be able to change this path pretty easily. Actually, not easily. Seems that the hardest person to control and discipline is myself. Letting go is much easier, but getting out of a slump takes discipline.

Tomorrow is a new day, full of adventurous possibilities.

Here we go.

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