Thursday, October 15, 2009

Ragin' Irish (?)

The hormones are a'ragin today!

In the past 30 mins I've felt:

1. Despair
2. Lust
3. Envy
4. Hideous
5. Thankful
6. Amused

And the amusements just won't stop. I'm cracking myself up, reading old posts. Some are actually pretty good but some are very, very bad. I hope nobody reads this stuff.

If you are reading right now, I'm sorry. I'll try to do better.

Ever since I've stopped taking birth control pills, I'm trying to get back in touch with my body. And that means observing my moods and deciding whether what I'm feeling is real or hormonal. It feels a lot better than acting immediately on what I'm feeling, which is what I normally do.

I have my share of problems: I can't manage my money AT ALL, it seems; any problem I have seems to magnify the rest, sometimes throwing me into panic mode; I can be selfish, self-absorbed, vain and competitive; I can be sneaky and manipulative; I can lie and not feel bad about it (for very long).

BUT in spite of all that, I know that God loves me. I know that He will love me through whatever I am or whatever I do... and that keeps me grounded. God's love keeps me humble because I know I can't DO anything to deserve it.... and many times I feel like I don't.

If anyone is reading this right now, I want to apologize for telling you I felt lustful.

And to remind you that God loves you no matter what. I know everyone's heard that before, but really THINK about that. NO MATTER WHAT. God will always take you back, no matter what you've done, if you want to come back to Him.

It just kind of puts everything in perspective. I can worry all I want about not having any money in the bank, but I know that I already have what I really need. I'm going to try not to worry so much because in the end, everything works out.

And worrying gives you wrinkles.

No comments: