Rousing the Bear

When the need arose to bring my air conditioning window unit out of hibernation, I was reminded that it is really summer and it's going to get really HOT. That means I won't be able to hide my winter-widened butt and gut beneath jeans and sweaters anymore. It's also too hot to wear anything with sleeves. Basically, the less clothing you wear, the cooler you are--and there is no part of my body that I'd like to bare anytime soon. Since I'm in the minority of women that are hot-natured, making my body bare-able is a major necessity.

For temperature control only. (riiiiiiight.)

So I took a chance and bought Trim Spa. It's supposed to curb your appetite so you eat less but also control sugar cravings and reroute glucose so it goes to your muscles instead of being stored as fat (or something... it says it on the box.) I don't believe everything I read, but I thought What the hell? There's no ephedra and maybe it really does work...

Bottom line: I need to try something, FAST. I have a wedding to go to and my birthday coming up in about 3 weeks. I hate seeing fat pictures of myself, so I'm taking desperate measures.

Surprisingly, there were no instructions at all when I opened the box. Only sheets of pills. All the instructions are on the back which are pretty much "Take with 8 ounces of water or the pill might expand in your esophagus and cause you to choke." WHAT?? I took my 2 pills this morning with tons of water (choking is one of my biggest fears), had breakfast and waited to see what would happen.

I'm definitely feeling it. And what I'm feeling is like a huge caffeine buzz without the jitters. I am a bit spacey and my thoughts are racing but so far, not so bad. I have to take one more at midday and one at night (I'm glad I have to work because I'd never sleep on this stuff) and then I've completed my daily supply.

The box says I need to take these pills for at least 6 days continuously for optimal results--not promising results after those 6 days but we'll see...

Maybe I'll be able to walk around pilled-out and sloppy like Anna Nicole Smith asking people "Do you like my baaahdy?" While groping myself like I am reliving my really bad soft-core porn movie that was so disgusting to watch... not that I ever did. (GROSS!!!!)