Today is such a gorgeous day. Breezy, sunny, hardly a cloud and the sky is a crystal clear blue. I have the windows open, I don't have to work tonight, I have fun plans with friends this afternoon...
So why am I so irritated and unsettled?
I know why. I have no idea how to help someone I love when they don't want it. I love this person, I trust him but I don't think he's being honest with himself. I think he has a drug problem. I think he's honest with me about everything he does, but since he knows how much I hate it, he still tries to keep it from me. I thought for a while that if I pretended to not be bothered by it I would find out exactly how much he does it. That didn't work... I felt dishonest and I can't be like everyone else in his life that just says it's no big deal. We've talked about it so many times and I've let him know exactly how I feel... he doesn't think he's addicted, that it's just a crutch. Where is the line between using it for a crutch (as many people use caffeine to stay awake when they need to) and being a full-fledged addict?
I'm confused, irritated, scared and have no one to talk about this. There are a few of his friends that know and I don't know if they've said anything to him about stopping, but I don't want to be the kind of girl that's talking to his friends behind his back. He's a grown man, he's very strong willed and in control of himself and I believe that when he wants to stop, he will. I just get so frustrated and feel so helpless.
If there's anyone that has any advice, I'd love to hear it.